Yep I can definitely relate, but Monday was great in comparison to Tuesday...I managed to get up, get the kids ready and leave the house before 8 o'clock, which is a huge feat for anybody with 3 kids I think (especially since the girls usually sleep until 8 or 8:30), but we had an appointment so off we went. We sat in that damn office for 2 1/2 hours until finally we had completed all requirements and were able to leave to the next part of our day which should have been being in line by 10 to get Ron White tickets. This did not happen, I am sad to say that we didn't get in line until 11:15 ish, (Ron is filming a tribute for the soldiers at the Ryman and all soldiers and spouses were supposed to be able to register for tickets by showing their military ID) and by the time it was our turn to sign up for the tickets, the rules for obtaining them had changed drastically (apparently they posted the instructions on facebook after the offer had been distributed - not really sure how that is acceptable since facebook is labeled as a cautionary website for all military). Not only did you need to provide your military ID, but if the active duty service member was currently stateside, they had to be present, and if they were deployed, the spouse had to present a copy of their orders (I was told this requirement had been dictated by Ron White himself!). That one was a little tough for me. So when I explained that my husband's orders are classified and that I can't have a copy of them, they expected me to contact his commanding officer and have them write an official letter stating exactly that. They refused to speak with anyone over the phone at his office for verification and said obtaining that letter was my only option. Well, I was not about to interrupt the commanding officer's day because some bitch hadn't been provided with her daily dose of chocolate and midol (especially since she also told me that the tickets were going to be all gone by the time I returned and that I would just be put on the cancellation list). So, after wasting the better part of the day (and running out of time to go to the commissary for fear of not being home when my son got off he bus), I headed home to email Mr. Tater Salad directly about my experience.
When I got home, I picked up my son and headed to perform the grocery store parade. In 2 1/2 hours, the kids and I covered my list at Kroger, Target, GFS, and Sam's (See what I got here), returning home in time to put away groceries, have the world's fastest dinner, and be ready for when the missionaries arrived (The missionaries from our church visit often for a lesson.). Apparently, all 3 of them walked through my muddy yard without realizing that there was mud, and tracked it into my house onto my very light colored carpet. No worries, the carpet needs cleaned anyway, but in the meantime, the red dirt stains are clashing with my couch...Following in the footsteps of the horrible, no good, very bad day I was having, my children decided they were going to be an example of how not to act; fighting, screaming, and digging in my potted plants, so I put them in their room for the last 20 minutes of our lesson. Big mistake. HUGE! The little darling proceeded to shit themselves, as babies often do, but the poop squeezed out the legs of the diaper, fell down the pants leg and onto the very light carpet in their bedroom...(Note to self, even when there is a diaper emergency and your diapers don't arrive on schedule from Amazon, never, I repeat, NEVER buy Kroger brand diapers- I am certain that the poop would have been properly placed in the diaper had they been wearing Huggies as normal). Just when you were starting to feel sorry for me and have thoughts that things would get better, I continue the story.....The girls have a very large collection of Little People. The damn things are everywhere (no I did not buy 1 of them, they have all been gifts- all 100 of them- not exaggerating) and they also have several different play sets. I swear every single one of the Little People went "mudding" on the farmer's tractor and were covered head to toe in poop. I call this event The Fecal Follies of Popcorn Peggy and Charlie Poopsalot (the carnies were preparing their next sideshow act -gotta find some humor in all this or I would go nuts!). It's amazing what kids can do in a matter of minutes. There was poop on every board book, toy, wall, and door (yes the baseboards too) in their room, but surprisingly, the girls didn't have any on their face, or hands, just their shoes, legs, and of course bottoms. It was amazing. I really should have taken pictures. I am sure there is some sicko art collector out there that would have loved the new medium of art they were working with. So after the mess was cleaned and the kids were all tucked in, I ended the day with a much needed glass of wine.
I think I need to begin an I Hate Tuesdays campaign. Why can't everyday be Friday?