really?

So I was cleaning the toilets this morning (I really need to get thinking and invent a self cleaning bathroom. Of all the household responsibilities, that is my least favorite, and every week when I clean them I am not one to toil with), and my son walks in to ask me what I made him for breakfast. SO about that time I looked down at the toilet and the back and sides were coated with a light yellow glow. I just looked at him and here is the conversation:

Son: What?

Me: Really?

Son: What?

Me: Look at all this shit it's disgusting! Don't you see all this pee everywhere?

Son: I guess I see the pee, but I didn't do it.

Me: Really?

Son: I never use that bathroom.

Me: Well then WHO do you suppose decided to paint the toilet and and floor with this nice color?

Son: Maybe the girls did it.

Me: Really? They pee in their diapers, and haven't even thought of using a toilet yet. They can't even reach the door handle to get in here!

Son: Well then it was probably you!

Me: Are you serious? Last time I checked I sit when I pee.

Son: (Blushing at this point) Maybe it was Dad.

Me: Really He came home in the middle of the night from Afghanistan just to pee all over the bathroom and leave without us knowing? (Last time I checked there is no Jettson's teleporter anywhere in our house.)

Son: Well maybe he did it before he left.

Me: Doubt it. The toilets were clean before he  left and I clean these damn things every week. It wasn't dirty like this yesterday, and YOU are the only one in this house that stands up and pees right now. So I suggest you go eat your breakfast and then you will be cleaning this toilet.

Son: But I didn't do it. That's nasty. I'm not cleaning it.

Me: Well I am certainly not cleaning it. Ou will be doing it and that is the end of it. This better be the cleanest toilet I have ever seen when you are finished with it. I'll even leave the cleaning supplies for you.

Son: That's no fair!

Me: Life's not fair! Go eat your breakfast.

Son: But what's for breakfast?

Me: There are biscuits on the stove.

Son: Are they the kind with layers?

Me: I haven't bought those in years. I made biscuits and they are in the kitchen.

Son: (from the kitchen) Mom, where's my breakfast?

Me: I told you there were biscuits ready in the kitchen.

Son: But there's no plate ready for me!

Me: Are you serious? The biscuits are right there next to you on the stove and the plates are right above your head. Are you helpless now too?

Son: Maybe, does that mean I don't have to clean the bathroom?


Kids these days! Obviously I do too many things for him if he can't even find the biscuits on the stove! Needless to say I provided a little GPS support so he could get his breakfast ready, complete with directions to where the butter was located in the fridge. If he keeps this up I am going to have to teach him how to use the toilet paper again too! Please God, don't let it get that far! I even contemplated getting the toilet pee targets again to help the little darling practice his aim. The kid is 7 years old give me a friggin' break! (Oh and yes, he did have to clean that toilet, and he also had to clean his own bathroom, which he is required to  maintain daily).