Finding My Inner Bombshell

Oh the horror I felt today when I actually took the time to examine myself in the mirror. OMG! was all that I could think. So I knew by the grumble I hear from my jeans every morning that I was starting to pack on the inches. But hey, if the size 4 still zips, I'm going to wear it! Loooking in the mirror I found myself appearing as a condensed version of the Before pictures on the NutriSystem ads- Not cute!

So with the threat of the dreaded swimsuit season quickly approaching, and just the influence of my own self pride and image being shattered, I quickly decided something had to be done and FAST! This obviously does not happen overnight; actually it has been a slow progression since I quit nursing the twins last August. No it is not the eating. You see I am allergic to every good indulgence and calorie-filled morsel out there, (except Rice Krispies treats, and that marshmallowy goodness is one of the only indulgences aside from the wine that I have left and refuse to part with) (I say no to dairy, potatoes, caffeine, beans, and gluten for fear of a raging evil migraine which completely kicks my ass every time it shows its ugly face). and that means, my friends that the problem is definitely inactivity.

Yes we all made those shallow resolutions on the 1st to exercise more, lose weight, feel great, blah, blah, blah. Well folks, I have not strayed too far from keeping that resolution. I have been doing a series of workout videos in the comfort of my own home for about 45 min each day. (The girls really think they are doing me a favor when they sit on my stomache during crunches and ab time. Thanks ladies!). I have become addicted I think to Gunnar Peterson's Core Secrets workouts. You can really feel that what you're doing is working, and aside from having to look at Brooke Burke's perfect post-kids body and keeping myself from vomiting with jealousy all over her to-die-for thighs, it is a favorite in my collection.

What I decided I need to do is measure my results to stay motivated and find my inner bombshell.

SO in the Finding My Inner Bombshell section to the left, you will see my weight and measurements updated for progress every 2 weeks. Yep I'm putting it all out there, and I will even be taking pictures so I can see that the time I am spending on this is worth it. I can't wait for the groundhog to tell us next week that spring is coming and the cold will be subsiding so I can get my fat ass out there and start shedding these unwanted (and heavy) saddlebags!

really?

So I was cleaning the toilets this morning (I really need to get thinking and invent a self cleaning bathroom. Of all the household responsibilities, that is my least favorite, and every week when I clean them I am not one to toil with), and my son walks in to ask me what I made him for breakfast. SO about that time I looked down at the toilet and the back and sides were coated with a light yellow glow. I just looked at him and here is the conversation:

Son: What?

Me: Really?

Son: What?

Me: Look at all this shit it's disgusting! Don't you see all this pee everywhere?

Son: I guess I see the pee, but I didn't do it.

Me: Really?

Son: I never use that bathroom.

Me: Well then WHO do you suppose decided to paint the toilet and and floor with this nice color?

Son: Maybe the girls did it.

Me: Really? They pee in their diapers, and haven't even thought of using a toilet yet. They can't even reach the door handle to get in here!

Son: Well then it was probably you!

Me: Are you serious? Last time I checked I sit when I pee.

Son: (Blushing at this point) Maybe it was Dad.

Me: Really He came home in the middle of the night from Afghanistan just to pee all over the bathroom and leave without us knowing? (Last time I checked there is no Jettson's teleporter anywhere in our house.)

Son: Well maybe he did it before he left.

Me: Doubt it. The toilets were clean before he  left and I clean these damn things every week. It wasn't dirty like this yesterday, and YOU are the only one in this house that stands up and pees right now. So I suggest you go eat your breakfast and then you will be cleaning this toilet.

Son: But I didn't do it. That's nasty. I'm not cleaning it.

Me: Well I am certainly not cleaning it. Ou will be doing it and that is the end of it. This better be the cleanest toilet I have ever seen when you are finished with it. I'll even leave the cleaning supplies for you.

Son: That's no fair!

Me: Life's not fair! Go eat your breakfast.

Son: But what's for breakfast?

Me: There are biscuits on the stove.

Son: Are they the kind with layers?

Me: I haven't bought those in years. I made biscuits and they are in the kitchen.

Son: (from the kitchen) Mom, where's my breakfast?

Me: I told you there were biscuits ready in the kitchen.

Son: But there's no plate ready for me!

Me: Are you serious? The biscuits are right there next to you on the stove and the plates are right above your head. Are you helpless now too?

Son: Maybe, does that mean I don't have to clean the bathroom?


Kids these days! Obviously I do too many things for him if he can't even find the biscuits on the stove! Needless to say I provided a little GPS support so he could get his breakfast ready, complete with directions to where the butter was located in the fridge. If he keeps this up I am going to have to teach him how to use the toilet paper again too! Please God, don't let it get that far! I even contemplated getting the toilet pee targets again to help the little darling practice his aim. The kid is 7 years old give me a friggin' break! (Oh and yes, he did have to clean that toilet, and he also had to clean his own bathroom, which he is required to  maintain daily).